September 9 (A)

It's that time of night again. About the time I get lost in my own thoughts. I remember making a post like this a long time ago (at least 6+
months back) and, in terms of my belief, nothing has changed. It always seems that late at night, especially the time when you're laying in bed trying to pass out, you're more vulnerable when it comes to dealing with your emotions. I often find myself thinking about following my heart and throwing caution to the wind when that hour hand is well passed the 12. I'm not complaining, though. I like the feeling. It's almost as if you're dreaming while wide-awake. Every action is that much more vivid, and while you're well aware this is all in your mind, you let go of the reins and let your subconscious be. This is by far one of the hardest things I've had to explain, but it's also one of my favorite.

Now realize this isn't an every day occurrence. If I'm exhausted or have had a rough day and I just want to sleep, you can bet that's what's going to happen. It's more of a mind set; And I happen to be in it this evening.

And why is it that the majority of the time the subject is always the same: love. You've all heard the saying, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I completely agree. As much as the loss portion hurts - trust me, it hurts - the good times will always put you, for at least a moment, right back on top of things. And in life, I feel it's essential. Not the living in the past part, but more so having those experiences to learn from and knowing how to approach things in the future. When you can step back, see the big picture, and think critically of yourself, you've accomplished something.

Now, getting back to the topic at hand, I don't know of one person who says, with a straight face, that they'd rather be alone their entire lives. I have friends that have been through some pretty rough relationships in their life. A lot of them said at the time they were happy to finally have time to themselves, to be their own man/woman, to "play the field". Then the novelty wore off and all they kept mentioning is how stupid they were, or how they took so-and-so for granted, or how they can't sleep alone without tossing about all night. But where the good news comes in is the majority so far have found that one person and it's really a thing to behold. True happiness.

I guess my point is this: Don't take your relationships for granted. From the outside looking in, I can tell you I'd give a lot to feel like I did 5+ years ago. So when I see different couples bickering over utter nonsense I usually will just shake my head. And for a moment I may try convincing myself, "See, do you want to have to deal with that?" To be honest with you, "Yes." To have a shoulder to lean on, an ear to vent to, somebody who allows you to let down your guard and be completely at ease... I'm just saying, it sounds like a good deal to me.

I'm looking up at the clock on my phone now and am realizing it's well passed "that time" (around 3:10am). That's my que to stop typing on a small touch screen and get some shut-eye. I wonder if I'll dream tonight? Maybe if I think of the same thing over and over until I fall asleep it will show up. I could try that...or just wait for the next time I'm wide awake at 1 or 2am. That way there's a better chance I could remember. For now, I'll take my chances.

I support truthiness,
B