May 14

I'm getting started early today. Really early. I'm wondering - in text - if anyone else ever feels like the later it is at night, the more prone one becomes to his or her emotions. For me, I find this to be true. It always was easier for me to face facts and become more true to myself the more the hours ticked away. It's a feeling of complete spontaneity mixed with truth. It's hard for me to describe, but take it as I feel I can imagine many different scenarios in vivid detail while making rational, true to life decisions. Almost like a dream, but I'm wide awake. It's just me and my thoughts. And in case you haven't figured it out, right now is one of those nights. I couldn't get to sleep. I just kept rolling around and thinking, "what am I doing?"

Do I see myself doing this particular job for the next few years? Hell no!

Am I willing to take a chance and move some place for another opportunity? I'm honestly not sure. It definitely makes me nervous.

Is there even anything else out there at this point? Not that I've found. But am I looking hard enough?

I'm still living at home. I don't have and haven't been in a serious relationship in...5 or 6 years. I love being around my friends, but at what point does that start to become a hinderance? And I hope it doesn't seem like I'm placing any blame on them. To the contrary, they're my inspiration. A lot of close friends are either married, getting married, starting a new job, moving into a new house, etc. They're living their lives, working their jobs, and - MOST importantly - they're happy. So my question is, when does one step out of his or her comfort zone and search for their niche? (Rhetorical, obviously.)

I almost called about 4 different people tonight...at 3:30 in the morning. Sometimes you just want to talk. Unfortunately it happened to be at a very inconvenient time. So what do I do instead? Type.

Life isn't easy. There is no blueprint that says, in order to be happy, you must do this, this, and this, and accomplish this and this. As cliche as it sounds, happiness (and beauty, but it's not relevant to this entry) truly is in the eye of the beholder. Money is a powerful motivator, true, but I'm more concerned with the relationships I have. That being said (Curb reference), the thing that's kept me up tonight has been the "J" word. And during these times, a good job is hard to come by.

This has been my first "real" post in a long time,
B